On Lists

Let me start off by explaining the following post. A little over a month ago Facebook, and much of the interwebs themselves, was being inundated with a flurry of "top lists." Most of these came in the form of "25 Things About Me" or "10 Best Secrets," but this was hardly the extent of it. The whole deal reached the point that CNN actually ran a story on it (which I guess doesn't say too much, considering the crap CNN tends to pass as news). Anyway, I had decided that it was time to take advantage of my own personal soapbox here at NTE and give a list of my own. Apparently the Ron Blagojesphere had had it's fill, though, and my painstakingly crafted list failed to post and was consequently deleted. Lost. Relegated to the past tense.

The ensuing overwhelming rage and underwhelming desire to retype the thing had kept me from even accessing my own website until this very day. So, readers, I will now do my best to recreate my list, "10 Things I Have Learned About the World." Keep in mind, please, that as the original material was lost for good, this is merely a tribute.

1) If you are in a foreign country and don't speak the language, it really DOES work if you just speak your own language slower, louder, and with poorer grammar.
2) There are, in fact, parts of the world where it's OK to sit on a beach chair in the middle of the street and drink a beach bucket full of vodka and RedBull.
3) America might be full of racists, but we are one of the only countries that realizes it and at least on a small level tries to combat it openly.
4) Koreans are people, too.
5) South Koreans, I mean.
6) I don't care where you come from, dog is NEVER a menu option.
7) Being the only person in a room who speaks less than 3 languages is incredibly invalidating.
8) If we are to believe the Japanese, the food in Italy has little flavor, is not spicy, and is all of the same variety. Japanese food, on the other hand, is a veritable smorgasbord of choices, spices, and flare. Yeah. Right.
9) "Challenge the American" is apparently a revered pastime in every nation but the U.S.
10) We may not have invented it, but America (read: Pacific Northwest) is the only place in the world that truly makes an amazing beer.

There you have it; the extent of knowledge I've gained in my time spent away from the good ol' US of A. Before you go, please enjoy a heartwarming image of me and my favorite South Korean basking in our completely hetero man-love.




You laughed like it was going out of style, and I guess it was