A Candidate You Can Really Get Behind

Living in Japan during election season in America is an interesting thing. To be fair, due to some sort of cosmic coincidence, throughout my time as a legal I have only ever been in Japan during presidential elections so I don't actually know how much different it is in America. I can only hope that it isn't as downright silly as it is here. As the only American the town of Sannohe has EVER hosted, I am treated as some sort of walking political encyclopedia (which in and of itself is a problem, because I had to check Wikipedia just to figure out what the difference between a Caucus and a Primary so that I wasn't lying to everyone I talked to). Among the questions I am most commonly asked are the following:

"Why is this election starting so early, don't they usually start in November?"
"Why is Mrs.Clinton so angry?"
"Will the Iraq War stop once the election is over?"
"Are you going to vote for Obama or Bush?" (my personal favorite)

As a personal rule, I tend to keep my politics to myself. It really is no one's business who I vote for. In fact, I have been known to mess with people who ask me about it by actively taking the completely opposite stance to however they feel, because I feel that's what they get for prying. The Japanese, however, don't seem to understand that there is a degree of personal privacy to all this. Also, they don't really find the whole "I'm going to be an ass and argue with you for fun" shtick very amusing.

Recently, when asked who I will vote for, I have been sending people (both Japanese and otherwise) to this website: http://www.mercerforpresident2008.com/home.html
Finally, a candidate I can honestly endorse! His website alone has provided me with countless more hours of entertainment and brain work than anything any other candidate thus far has put forth. I must, though, give credit for this wonderful discovery to my friend Golden Wade Powell. Thank you, Wade, thank you. And to all of you out there, Northern Tohoku Exposure recommends that you take the time to fully peruse Mr. Mercer's website. In particular, sections 1, 14, 17, 20, 22, 27, 29, 35, 46, 48, 49, 56, 63, 66, and 69 are full of golden nuggets of inspiration. Enjoy!

Drawing the Line (Strictness in the Classroom)

Warning: Due to adult language in the following post, reader discretion is advised.

One thing that has puzzled me since my arrival in Japan is the varying degrees of strictness shown in the classroom. Generally speaking, teachers do not put up with much guff from their students and are quick to scold, yell, or even slap upside the head students who talk out of turn or refuse to do as they're told. Corporal punishment is still very much alive here in Japan, although a recent outbreak of parents campaigning against teachers and the very education system itself is slowly putting a stop to that.

Conversely, though, teachers here seem to have no problem with children swearing in class. At first I thought that maybe my concept acceptable language just differed fundamentally with that of the rest of the teachers, which is fine, but it just seemed a bit odd for students be able to yell the Japanese equivalents of things like "son of a bitch" or "shut up" or even "shit" in the classroom.

The prime example of this profound difference came to me several weeks ago. During a Junior High lesson much like every other (read: I was doing nothing but reading flashcards) the teacher decided to let the kids play a game known as Renso, translated literally as "connected images." The premise of the game is simple enough; kids split into teams and, using a single word of my choosing, must take turns running up to the board and writing a word that is connected in some way to the previous word forming chain of thought, if you will. The word I choose was "tree." Innocent enough, right? Wrong. The first group ended with 8 points, making a chain that went something along the lines of "leaf, plant, bird, bug, sun, sunday, picnic, cake." A real cute, sweet little word chain. Group 4, however, took a decidedly different approach. Consisting mostly of basketball boys, their list was as follows:

tree
wood

house
bed
sex
sexy
enjoy
tired
sports
sex
sexy
baby sex

Though taking first place easily with a whopping 10 points (I refused to count "sex" and "sexy" twice), I immediately feared for the lives of these poor kids. Their teacher, an unusually harsh older lady, simply asked how they got from bed to sex and then, apparently satisfied with the answer, gave them all gold stars. Gold stars!! For writing what amounted to an amateur, albeit grammatically barren, erotic story on the board!

Personally, I got quite a kick out of it. That said, I was left to wonder what would have happened if this sort of stunt got pulled in my middle school. I imagine it would have been something to the extent of an hour of detention for each "obscene" word to be served consecutively on a day of the teacher's choosing. Hello Breakfast Club. Ultimately I realized that, given the choice and my propensity for cursing like a pirate and talking out of turn as a child, I would much rather have gone to school in strict, rigid, old-fashioned Japan.

I Love This Game

Over the past year, Japan and I have developed a love-hate relationship when it comes to holidays. She makes me work on Christmas, but instead gives me the vernal equinox off during March. She revokes my Spring Break, but gives Golden Week (a string of national holidays such as Greenery Day, Showa Day, and Children's Day in May). But I fear that this time she has gone too far, crossed an unforgivable line. What holiday has she dared steal, you ask? The NBA Finals, friend, the NBA Finals.

While not as popular as baseball or soccer, the NBA does have a strong following in Japan. In fact, more Denver Nuggets apparel is sold in Japan than in the entire United States thanks to the immense popularity of Allen Iverson. Giving AI a run for his money in terms of popularity, though, is none other than Kobe Bryant. As such, one would assume that simply on Kobe's advertising power alone that the Finals would easily accessible here. One, it turns out, would be wrong.

The NBA Finals games are being broadcast twice: once at 10 am on the day of the game, and then again at 1 am the following morning. SERIOUSLY? I may not be a marketing exec, but what conceivable reason could there be for these two time slots? What demographic could they possibly be targeting? If they pulled this kind of stunt in America the only people watching the Finals would be bored housewives, infants, household pets, and pre-teen boys who drink can after can of Red Bull to stay up and watch Carson Daily. If you were in charge of marketing and you had a superstar like Kobe Bryant making his dramatic return to the greatest stage in the basketball world, wouldn't you try and get that face in front of as many fans as possible? 10 am and 1 am, people!? I'm sorry, it's just that I still find this whole thing very hard to stomach.

I am coping, however. I've instituted a strict regimen of beginning to download the games as soon as I get home from work and then warning everyone on my basketball team that if they so much as utter a word of the score before I have a chance to watch it myself they will find themselves on the receiving end of an incredibly strong and horribly aimed low bounce pass, the kind that you don't catch with your hands. After a quick demonstration, they seemed to figure it out and are keeping quiet.

One last, albeit slightly unrelated, note. To those who say that Tim Duncan and the Spurs and boring and no fun to watch, or just those of you wondering what Japanese basketball ads might look like, I give you the following:

Concerning Engrish

No, I didn't misspell "English." To those in the know, I think you know where I'm headed with this one, but for everyone else, allow me a brief explanation: Engrish is a general term used to refer to English that has been Japanized, Chinafied, etc. The end result usually being subtle but humorous aberrations of the English language, it is most often displayed on t-shirts, signs, and television commercials.

Before I get into the bulk of this story, I need to give a disclaimer; I am not one to criticize another person for attempting to speak a foreign language. Far from it, in fact. I personally think that anyone who puts in the effort to speak or write in a foreign language should be rewarded with nothing but praise and, if need be, constructive criticism.

That said, my reason for the post is two-fold. First, during my travels in the Japanese countryside I encountered the following bewildering, yet strangely symbolic, example of Engrish in it's purest form. The prosecution hereby submits exhibit A:

Now, usually, I can enjoy simple mistakes, laugh a little, and ultimately realize that if I were to try to write something for publication in any form in Japanese it would most assuredly contain some small errors that Japanese people would catch, possibly even take a chuckle from. But this, however, is a whole new level. It literally strikes me as though someone opened a dictionary, pulled out ten entirely random words and threw them on the card.

To be fair, I actually did laugh quite hard when I found this gem, but soon afterwards I realized that this is precisely the reason that the Japanese Government has brought us JETs here. It is our job to instill a basic enough understanding of English at a young age that things like this never get to see the light of day. A form of Engrish Police, if you will.

Now if only the Japanese would send people to America to educate the ever increasing population of people who want to get a "sweet Kanji tattoo" and end up with gibberish like "complete lack of restriciton (無制限)" or "eternal meat power (永遠肉力)," both of which I saw personally the last time I was in Portland. Seriously. Eternal meat power??

Grand Opening

Welcome, everyone, to Northern Tohoku Exposure. For those for of you wondering what that exactly means, allow me to clarify; Tohoku is the general term used to refer to the 4 or 5 northernmost prefectures in Japan. Up until now I have been using group emails to relay personal updates, humorous stories and crazy anecdotes, but I have decided that this is a far easier method of conveying said information. This is not to say that I will not be sending out emails anymore, though. Think of this as a supplement, an ongoing personal opinion column, as it were. Links to my online photo album, blogs of friends, and as well as the occasion video or song that I have stumbled across can be found here, as well as an easier forum for those of you who wish to stay in contact with me. That said, I will do my best to post frequently and keep everyone amused and interested.

Without further ado, I would like to offer you a glimpse into the world of 1990s Japanese workout videos. I have it on good authority that one of my fellow teachers actually owns this entire series of videos. Seriously. Enjoy!