Things I Will Never Do

There are three types of things in the world: Things I am good at (can do), things I am bad at (cannot do), and things I will never try to do. Ok, I guess I should add a fourth: Things that will more than likely result in my own premature death, so I will thus avoid them. While the first two are wholly self-explanatory, I would like to elaborate on the last type and see if anyone else out there understands where I'm coming from.

When someone asks me if I can play basketball, the first thing that pops into my head is something akin to a fundamental binary response of "1" for "yes." I know for a fact I can play said game to at a reasonably competitive level, and have the physical evidence to back up said claim. Conversely, if someone were to ask if I can play the violin, I would give an unequivocal "no." But somewhere in between these two categories lies the enigmatic third category. These are things that I have never really tried, and for that matter feel that I never shall. The reason for this, though not immediately apparent, is actually quite simple; In my mind I imagine myself to be inherently good at these things and am afraid that if I were to actually try them the image of perfection would be shattered, leaving me less experienced than I was before. These actions or subjects include the following:

- Golf
- Hunting
- Boxing
- Snowboarding
- Quantum physics
- Hitting on women
- Chinese Language
- Horseback riding
- Neurosurgery and...
- Having children.

The pride I carry within me at being proficient in all of the aforementioned fields, ironically enough, prohibits me from ever actually attempting them. Hopefully I'm not the only one who feels this way, that when asked if one is good at golf can respond honestly "You know, I've never really played but I just know that I would be really good at it." But if I am indeed alone in this then I hereby reserve the rights to name the condition. I'm thinking something along the lines of advanced nolongerawesomaphobia. Suggestions?


http://www.timarai.com/blog/2008/10/21/greatest-how-to-everat-least-in-japan/


I've got a sunset in my veins

So You Want to Read Comics...

Taking I break from my usual bitching and complaining about things here in the Far East, I'd like to offer my thoughts on a subject I am more than well versed in: comic books. By now it should be apparent to most every one that what was once considered the quintessential trait of nerds and the socially inept has now become embraced by the pop culture elite. The rapid influx of comic-to-film adaptions (and good ones, at that) has changed the way we comic geeks interact with the world. Gone are the days when knowing which issue Wolverine joined the X-Men (Giant Size X-Men #1) or the exact weight of Captain America's shield (12.2 lbs) was as surefire a sign of social ostracism as knowing the best way to serve Qagh. These days people with vast libraries worth of comic trivia knowledge like us a valued commodity, the go-to-guy for the real info and plot breakdown whenever the newest comic book film comes out. It has gotten to the point where I have, true story, been called at 3 AM my time from America to confirm for an intoxicated friend in a heated debate at party that the Weapon X Program does indeed not stand for the letter "x," but for the roman numeral X (the 10th of such attempts at recreating a super-soldier based on the original Captain America formula, FYI).

The point of this post is not to boast of the supreme levels of my nerdiness, but rather to offer something to all of you out there who are looking to join the cool crowd and start reading comics. I am often what I would recommend to someone who either wants to start reading comics, or just wants to make sure that what they read next isn't a waste of time. So without further adieu, I present my own "Must Read" list:

- Batman: The Long Halloween, and Batman: Dark Victory. Along with Batman: Year One, these two books by Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale serve as the foundation for everything that was good about the two recent Batman films. Taken as a set, they give show what is easily the most human Batman interpretations of Batman ever while spinning a compelling mystery that keeps your guessing even after you've put it down.

- Y: The Last Man. In a word, the funniest and at the same time most moving comic series I have ever read. Centering on the mystery of a plague that instantaneously wipes out every organism on the planet Earth except for Yorick Brown and his pet monkey, Ampersand, this 60 issue maxi-series is something you owe it to yourself to read. No super-heroes, no powers, just believable characters and incredible writing.

- Watchmen. Often referred to as "the best graphic novel of all-time," it is a super-hero story without any real super-heroes. I'm sure you will all go see the movie, so I won't say much more, but afterwards just do yourself a favor and read the book. If the ending doesn't make you think, then nothing will.

- Daredevil, vol 2. issues #16-19, 26-50, 56-81. In other words, everything that Brian Michael Bendis wrote. While Kevin Smith's "Guardian Devil" arc (vol 2. issues #1-8) and uber-writer Frank Miller's run are both considered to be classics, it's Bendis' that truly makes Matt Murdock something other than a half-assed Peter Parker and serves as an excellent jumping-off point for new readers. A perfectly gritty and flawed lead character, the darkly noir rendition of Hell's Kitchen, and a serialized nature that will hook you far quicker than most other Marvel or DC books, it's a great run for people who like their super-heroes a bit less spandexy and a bit more real.

- Powers. Both created and owned by the aforementioned Brian Michael Bendis, Powers is a bit of an industry anomaly. While set in a clearly super-hero filled world (hence the title), it's focus is on the regular cops that work the super-crime beat. If Law and Order: SVU and Detective Comics had a one night stand, the result would look a lot like this. It's as addictive as the former and as out there as the latter.

Most of these can be found in trade-paperback form or, for those who like to go the digital route, can be downloaded easily from teh interwebz. Enjoy.


Wil, do the children really understand

Miscellaneous

It occurred to me the other day that it's been almost a month since I last posted anything here. Everything has been so all over the place recently, it's been a bit difficult. I guess it would be better to say that my brain has been focused almost exclusively on one thing for the past month, so everything else has just seemed like random smatterings of drinking and ice cold weather. I am referring to, of course, the upcoming Japanese Language Proficiency Exam (日本語能力試験), which I will endeavor to lay the smack down upon this weekend. My afterthoughts and conjectures at how I did will be sure to follow, but until then I would like to discuss briefly a few things that have caught my what little attention I have to spare recently.

First, let me talk to you all about religion. I personally find religion very interesting, both in concept and in practice (one more so than the other). That said, there is a time and a place for it, neither of which are when I am naked covered in soap at a hot spring. If you absolutely must make pleasantries with another dude while you are both naked, the first thing out of your mouth should never be "Hello, I'm a Jehovah's Witness." In such an incident, the look you are seeing on my face probably has nothing to do with your choice of beliefs (well, maybe a little), but rather that you felt that this was the best time to bring them up TO A COMPLETE(ly naked) STRANGER. Really, little old Japanese man?

You know what? Now that I've gotten that out there I really don't think I have much else to say. Oh, I know! Did you know that there are over 20 different easily discernable species of apple? It was news to me, too, but check out this awesome gift set of crazy apples I received the other day!



This bird has flown, take two.