Expats: The Forgotten Demographic

No one will question the fact that Americans made history at the voting booths this past week. Now come the next big questions: How can the president-elect save the crumbling national, and thus world, economy? What will he do to fix the quagmire that has become the Iraq and Afghanistan wars? For most Americans the real effects of the election won't become apparent until sometime after January. A select group, however, could start seeing the benefits as soon as tomorrow. I am referring to, of course, American citizens living abroad.

What many people don't realize is the power that we expats have as a voting entity. Excluding military, an estimated 6.6 million Americans live overseas worldwide, according to the Association of Americans Resident Overseas. If they were regarded as an independent voting bloc, they would outnumber the population in 34 of the 50 states. But of course Americans overseas are considered residents of their most recent US home states for voting purposes. They represent still 2% of states' total votes on average - enough to make a difference in a swing state. So what happens when you get this many people fed up with the anti-Americanism brought on by the Bush years? A whole lot of people voting Obama.

The president is the face of America and as such is the standard by which most of us expats are judged right off the bat. Don't get me wrong; not every one is quick to assume that we, as Americans, support President Bush unconditionally. That said, anyone living abroad can tell you that having a president as universally disliked as Bush only fuels anti-American sentiment, which is something we outside North America have to deal with everyday. To us Obama's victory is an immediate blow to the image of Bush's America that so many people have clung to the past 8 years. Think about it this way: Since the election results came in a day ago, I have had no less than 15 people congratulate me. ME. You congratulate someone when they have done something noteworthy or accomplished something. I guess in their eyes we have, even though Obama hasn't even taken office yet. Oh, and if any of you are interested, Obama Hot Springs in Nagasaki is half-off admission all week.

I leave you with an image of unbridled patriotism.




Honey I know, I know, I know times are changing. Purple rain purple rain.

Blazer Believer

Those of you who know me know that I am many things; a gamer, a Japanophile, a greasy wop, an エセ外人, a powerhouse in the paint, an educator, etc. But chief amongst these things is without question "a Blazer fan." Now, I'm no sports writer, but still I feel compelled to say a few things.

First, yes I am pained greatly by the temporary loss of Greg Oden. Key word: TEMPORARY. However, it has done next to nothing in terms of damaging my hopes for the season. People seem to forget that this house was being built before he even stepped in the door. Even if Oden came in and performed to every one's expectations, it was still going to be Lamarcus' scoring that carries the team. As such, everyone just needs to take a breath, and wait a bit longer. That and pray we work on our fast break offense and defensive boards. That and Bust a Bucket.

Second, though a bit unrelated, I would like to address the so-called "fair weather fans." I use quotations here because I do not accept the validity of this term. It is inherently contradictory and thus invalid terminology. You see, a fan isn't someone who likes a certain team. A fan is someone who needs their team, and in return is needed by the team. Becoming a fan is strikingly similar to entering into a symbiotic relationship. While it is not for me to say which is the host, it is clearly a relationship of mutual reciprocation. A fan lives and dies with the ups and downs of his team. A fan will risk the sometimes-life-threatening repercussions of scorning a lover by choosing to watch the game rather than spend time with him/her. A fan has broken at least one of his own personal possessions as a result of his team's misfortunes (or at least seriously considered it). A fan shun and even refuse to acknowledge the existence of another human simply for being a fan of a rival team (read: Lakers fan).

A fan doesn't need to know stats or numbers, though. They simply need to have that love, that connection, with their team. So I ask you all: Are are you a fan, or are you just watching the game?



Bust a Bucket who'd a dunk it Blazer duty Super sunk it Slamn' Geez it Killer Three's it go up get got it good

A Mystery Unravelled

There's something about October that makes me want to fling money away like an angry monkey and his, well, you know. In one month alone I have purchased a car, a Playstation 3, and plenty of new software. All that aside, my most prized purchase has to be my new TV. 34 inches of high definition 1080i LCD glory. Though the pictures hardly do it justice, go ahead a take a gander. I've placed a standard DVD case in the picture to give some size perspective.



The real issue here, however, is not how great the device itself is but rather how much is cost: a mere $650 at the used electronics shop. I use the term "used" loosely, because as anyone who has lived in Japan a "used" item would pass for fresh off the factory line in America. A quick trip to Amazon.com shows that this guy's little brother, a 32 inch 720p LCD still goes for $800, or $670 slightly used. Though the riddle of why this particular unit was so cheap bothered me for several days, I had just about given in to the idea that it was just pure luck when the answer presented itself.

While talking to a coworker I mentioned in passing how great a deal I thought I had gotten, at which point she inquired as to the brand of the TV. "Samsung," I replied. "Sam-san? Your friend makes TVs?" Long story short, apparently Samsung doesn't carry the brand recognition here that it does in America. After asking around, I eventually figured it out. Remember earlier when I was describing the TV? Well, I left out one important adjective. What I should have said was: 34 inches of Korean high definition 1080i LCD glory. Yes, that's right. Who knew that the ethnicity of a TV set mattered? I mean, come on Japan, judging people by the color of their skin is one thing, but a TV? Are her images not just as crisp and vivid? If you prick her, does she not leak some form of liquid crystals? I was reminded of the time when my host-father told me that the reason no one eats at the Lotteria burger chain was "Because it's owned by Koreans." But really, who am I to complain? If Japanese industrial jingoism leads to me getting a dirt cheap, cutting edge TV for half the price of a Sony, what's wrong with that?



In my mind and in my car, we can't rewind we've gone too far.

Creative Differences

I'd like to briefly discuss an incident I had last week during one of my middle school classes. The activity of the day was the standard affair: The students were to listen to me dictate a description of a picture I was looking at and attempt to recreate it themselves. The picture was supposed to be of a young girl dressed as a cowboy swinging a rope in front of a house while her little puppy romps around playfully and her grandpa watches lazily from the porch (a bit Rockwellian, actually). Well, among the more creative entries was this beauty. I'm sure he must have had some other things going on in his head. Maybe he'd just seen Superbad one too many times. I really have nothing else to say, as no words can really do it justice. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then I'm pretty sure most of this one's aren't suitable for children. And without further ado, I present you, Yamato's magnum opus in all its glory.

I dub thee...Penisaurus Dix!

Public Transportation...Of DOOM

Readers worldwide (all 10 of you), I'm here today to inform you about the newest crime wave raging through Aomori and, more specifically, Sannohe. B&E, you ask? No sir. Fraud? Not really, but warmer. GTA? Getting there! The correct answer is: Illegal buses. As the image below clearly demonstrates with the two ferocious looking dinosaurs, black-busing (a term I came up with just now) is not to be taken lightly.



Though at first I was confused, I have hence come to see just what is meant by this and what is wrong with it. Essentially what happened is this: someone decided that he was tired of buses that only run once or twice an hour and are unreliable at best, and went ahead and started his own bus line without consulting the city. The nerve! Using unofficial, gaudy, state-of-the-art buses designed to stand out from the standard red and white wooden models the city uses, this black market public transportation has been deceiving citizens day after day while needlessly getting them to their destinations earlier and offering unsanctioned and preposterous convenience to bus-riders day in and day out. Can you imagine the horror of having your 45 minute wait for the bus cut short without notice and arriving at your destination long before intended? I don't know about you, but it gives me the willies just thinking about it.

But fear not, I have been assured that the authorities have the situation well in hand. To start, they are attempting to raise awareness by advertising for, I mean informing you of the danger of, these other buses with fliers posted in every single bus. They are also working on a method to spot and deal with these felonious cabbies. I understand it's going to be very high tech and require every branch of the local law enforcement to tackle it, but that's more than enough assurance to help me sleep sound at night. 2 bus companies in one town, bah. What's next, a second phone company?

Silver buses with giant pandas on top are a dead giveaway

The Land of the Rising Hangover

There has been some discussion recently among the newly arrived JETs and myself as to why the it's so damn easy to get a hangover in Japan. I myself encountered this phenomenon back in the University days, when I could drink my own weight in vodka and be fine the next morning but if I had even a few (read: 4-5) store bought beers I would feel like a Optimus Prime had parked on my face. At any rate, I decided to solve this mystery once and for all, and now present my findings.

The common rumor is that it is because Japanese beers contain far more starch than the average US brews. It is true that Japanese "beers" contain more starch, among other things. The reason for the "" marks is that one must be careful when using the word "beer" in Japan. In 1994, as a result to a beer tax that was based solely on percentage of malt in a beer, companies began to lower their malt percentage to below 67%, with the remaining 33% including rice, corn, sorghum, potato, starch, and sugar. The result was the now super-popular Happoshu. The Government, realizing that they were missing out on a tons of tax income, quickly levied higher taxes on beverages containing between 50-25% malt. The alcohol giants fired back with even less "beery" beers, even replacing malts altogether with artificially non-malts, that are known as "beer-flavored beverages" or "third generation beer." Leave it to the Japanese, masters of the ancient art of tax evasion, to sabotage the last great real on this sad planet, a good beer, to save a buck or two. Bloody heathens.

Well, it turns out that it's not the starch that's the problem; its all the other crap they've thrown in there. Just as mixing alcohols is likely to increase the urge to punch everything that makes noise the next morning, giving your body tons of extra chemicals to process and elimate is a sure-fire recipe for the hangover to end all hangovers. Taken on it's own, the starch can actually help soften the alcohol's impact. But of course, the Japanese never eat anything starchy when they drink, just edamame and raw fish. Oh and horse heart, they LOVE that. The also force you to chase your beers with an equal amount of shochu (a form of rice or barley whiskey). Come to think of it, that's probably the real problem...

Comparative Analysis

So as you may have noticed the postings here at NTE have dropped off considerably. Due to circumstances beyond my control (and plenty that were within) I have had neither the time nor the ability to post recently. For that I apologize.

After a two week jaunt home to good old Pacific Northwest, I find myself strangely rejuvinated. While dodging the unbearable humidity here I was also able to consume my own weight in REAL beer, eat REAL Mexican food, then eat at Taco Bell, and many other gloriously nostalgic events that I will not waste time here cataloging. As an interesting after effect of this trip, I find myself much more aware of the differences between my two countries of residence and realize that up until now I have been a bit harsh on Japan in my blogging. Well that's all going to change. For one post, at least.

A fairly common question I get asked (aside from size of both body and...other things) is, "Sir, what do you enjoy about Japan?" While there are many, one item stands tall among the rest: Festivals. The US may do a rockin' 4th of July, but when it comes to the actual art of holding a festival, we come up severely lacking. It's hard to say what part of the Japanese condition leads to the innate ability to throw a great festival, but whatever it is they have it in spades. If I had to wager a guess, I would say spirit. I'm not talking God, morals, or any of that mumbojumbo, but rather the spirit of getting into the festival. In Japan festivals are for everyone and occur at every level of society. I recently had the chance to participate in the Nebuta festival. Fellow Portlanders, let me tell you that this thing puts the Rose Festival to shame. There are few things more entertaining that watching a 4 year old girl, a 6'5" white man, and a 75 year old Japanese man standing side by side, jumping and flailing to the beat. It's almost like a mindset; people don't come to watch the festival, they come to celebrate the festival. The best part is, this is true from the biggest regional festivals down to the smallest local ones. Everyone has a role that they play with the utmost duty and enthusiasm.

So Japan, I salute you for a tradition well maintained. In my limited travels I have encountered no place more embracing of what it truly means to celebrate, celebrate, dance to the music, oh yeah. I will say, though, that your festivals would be a whole lot more kickin' if you would import some damn PBR.