Ummmm...What?

I've lived in Japan now for going on four years. I've had a Japanese family, Japanese friends, and yes at times (however briefly) even dated Japanese girls. I can still remember a time when I still had difficulty conveying even the simplest thoughts to those around me in Japanese and constantly running head first into the omnipresent "Language Barrier." I've spent years cultivating the ability to live and thrive in a Japanese environment, but it has apparently has done absolutely nothing to prepare me for the greatest linguistic challenge of my life: dating a British chick.

It's just...I mean, it's still English, right? Right? Fundamentally speaking, we speak the same language. This, however, is a perfect example of how the reality of a situation is never as simple as the basic elements would imply. You may think I'm joking. I wish. For those of you non-believers, this is the kind of stuff I'm talking about:

" ov corse im ere nairy...y do u gashes always hav 2 go out clubbing!!! indeed do hav a quiet drinkys...my ends has a really gud pub..."

...What? These are the types of facebook posts and emails I have to deal with, guys! What is it about the British that entitles them to ignore syntax in its entirety? How about this gem:

"cba. ur such a scrape anyway. div. good thing ur buff."

Thanks!! I think. Maybe? I wonder what it says about me that I can communicate more easily with my Japanese coworkers than my English girlfriend. Probably that I'm awesome. I mean, I guess I could learn, but I'm American! Nobody makes me learn against my will.

And now, just because I can, MONKEYS!



what you got in that bag